Thursday, July 26, 2007

Oh No! She Caught The Fat!

I always knew I should shun unattractive people. Now I have science on my side! A new study shows that obesity is contagious, like the flu, or the gay.

Obesity appears to spread from one person to another like a virus or a fad, researchers reported yesterday in a first-of-its-kind study that helps explain -- and could help fight -- one of the nation's biggest public health problems.
...
"What spreads is an idea. As people around you gain weight, your attitudes about what constitutes an acceptable body size changes, and you might follow suit and emulate that body size," Christakis said. "It may cross some kind of threshold, and you can see an epidemic take off. Once it starts, it's hard to stop it. It can spread like wildfire."

Like wildfire! What could possibly stop this spread of fatness? Well, the study goes on to say that a radical combination of not eating burgers everyday and moving about occasionally might help, but they need more funding to continue research. They also suggest that spreading images of a healthy, thin lifestyle can act as an antibody, preventing the fat from spreading any further.

"If these close social environments can promote a disease, they can also promote solutions to disease," said William H. Dietz of the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "These same social networks might be used to turn a disease like obesity around."

I have already been contacted by scientists hoping to use my physique to inspire the masses, but I warned them that if fat people knew such perfection was possible, it would probably drive them to suicidal despair. Which is the other reason I avoid those contagious fat people: for their own good.



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